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PBA 018.5a
10:07:55 PM Kali: ((In here!)) 10:08:04 PM Wynn: ((ok!)) 10:08:36 PM Wynn: ((Is Tarak still here?)) 10:08:48 PM Kali: Not that you can see. 10:09:06 PM Kali: Allys smooths out her skirt, setting a book down on one of the weapons racks. "Go on." 10:09:29 PM Wynn: I know you served the Saint at one point, so I think you'll understand. 10:09:47 PM Kali: Allys's lips tighten. "Do you." 10:10:04 PM Wynn: Tarak and I spoke about a lot of things while we were sparring. 10:10:36 PM Wynn: There are still plenty of things I have questions about, but that's not really why I wanted to talk to you. 10:11:06 PM Wynn: He thinks that the best thing to do, for both of us, is to come up with some sort of punishment... retribution for our past mistakes. 10:11:29 PM Wynn: I don't know him well enough to say what would be best, though. 10:11:56 PM Kali: Allys: ... what was that sound. 10:12:06 PM Wynn: What sound? 10:12:21 PM Kali: Allys: I heard a sound outside, in the hallway. 10:12:56 PM Kali: Allys: One moment. 10:13:01 PM Kali: She opens the door! 10:13:46 PM Kali: Wynn can hear her saying "Excuse me. What *exactly* is going on out here." 10:14:07 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns a little. 10:14:24 PM Kali: Allys: Indeed *not*. I encourage you to eavesdrop elsewhere. 10:15:13 PM Kali: Allys closes the door again, stepping back inside. 10:15:37 PM Kali: Allys: Your little friend needs to learn some manners. 10:15:43 PM Wynn: .... Janis? 10:16:24 PM Kali: Allys: Yes. I think she's gone now. I hope. But we can walk to the *other* side of the room, just in case. 10:16:54 PM Kali: Allys steps toward the farther side of the room, looking at the practice weapons on one of the racks. 10:17:01 PM Wynn: Wynn follows. 10:17:41 PM Kali: Allys: Now. Tell me about this harebrained scheme. 10:18:26 PM Wynn: Well, I guess it boils down to retribution for our past mistakes to stop being hard on ourselves. 10:18:42 PM Kali: Allys: Retribution! And you feel that's constructive, do you? 10:19:26 PM Wynn: Why not? 10:19:47 PM Kali: Allys rolls her eyes. "What purpose does it serve that wouldn't be served equally well by doing something infinitely less stupid?" 10:20:17 PM Wynn: I cannot speak for Tarak, but I know I have done things that have never been paid for. 10:21:07 PM Kali: Allys: *He* has no real reason to be guilty. His ghosts are self-made. 10:21:50 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns a little trying to put together this very confusing puzzle of he-said she-said. 10:22:14 PM Wynn: What's so stupid about retribution? 10:22:52 PM Wynn: I mean... I know you don't follow the Saint anymore, but you did once. Did you wholly change your opinions on it? 10:24:02 PM Kali: Allys: He told you that, did he? ... remind me to have a little *talk* with him about minding other people's business as well. 10:25:29 PM Wynn: Well, it is only human nature to want to learn more about the people you travel with. 10:26:42 PM Kali: Allys: Which is why, ordinarily, we do not travel with anyone. 10:26:53 PM Kali: She picks up the practice mace, hefting it in one hand. 10:27:34 PM Wynn: Is there something you'd like to correct of what he told me? 10:29:35 PM Kali: Allys: I'd like to "correct" him for telling it to you, but otherwise, no. 10:30:02 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns. "Why is it so important to keep it to yourself?" 10:31:00 PM Kali: Allys: I value my privacy. Is that so unusual? 10:31:34 PM Wynn: It is to me. My life is an open book. I don't see any reason to hide. 10:32:03 PM Kali: Allys: It's best not to get attached to people. It does more damage when you leave. 10:32:23 PM Wynn: Well, I think that might be the first thing I've heard both you and Tarak say. 10:32:39 PM Kali: Allys: We are *related*, you know. 10:32:56 PM Kali: Allys: I suppose we must not seem like it sometimes. 10:32:58 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles. "It's not *that* obvious." 10:33:09 PM Kali: She peers at the macelike practice weapon critically. 10:33:23 PM Wynn: Do you still fight? 10:33:49 PM Kali: Allys: What, he didn't tell you that as well? 10:34:27 PM Wynn: We didn't speak much about what happened after you... after the war. 10:35:35 PM Kali: Allys: Unlike the Bloody-Minded Saint, Bahamut is tolerant of differing views. 10:37:47 PM Wynn: He didn't really tell me much besides the parts that were about him in some way. 10:38:57 PM Wynn: I know very little about Bahamut's ideology. 10:39:34 PM Kali: Allys: He tolerates pacifism. 10:40:08 PM Wynn: So is that a no, then? 10:40:44 PM Kali: Allys: I follow a higher calling than smashing people with sticks. 10:41:42 PM Wynn: It must be hard traveling with someone who still thinks of himself as a knife, then. 10:43:10 PM Kali: Allys: It's his choice to continue. And it's his choice to be an idiot and think of himself that way. 10:43:29 PM Wynn: How would you think of it? 10:45:21 PM Kali: Allys: ... you are aware I do not have a high opinion of the Saint. But one *could* think of it as a gift. 10:46:30 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns a little in confusion. "It?" 10:46:42 PM Kali: Allys: Being chosen by a deity. 10:47:02 PM Wynn: Right... 10:47:08 PM Kali: Allys: ... even a warmongering ass like St. Cuthbert. 10:48:44 PM Wynn: Well, he seemed to think this plan of his would work for me. I see no reason why it wouldn't work for him as well. Perhaps together we could get him to shift his outlook. 10:49:08 PM Wynn: If he really doesn't want me to wind up like him, it seems only fair he doesn't wind up that way either. 10:49:46 PM Kali: Allys holds the book she brought, with her free hand, the practice mace in the other. "I have been working on shifting his outlook for quite some time. Perhaps you may have more success than I have had." 10:50:15 PM Wynn: I think you may have been more successful than you realize. 10:50:39 PM Kali: Allys: How so? 10:51:07 PM Wynn: Well, if I am how he was at my age... his outlook is quite different from the one I have. 10:51:18 PM Wynn: ..or at least the one I had upon abduction. 10:52:09 PM Wynn: Even just in his stories, he seems like he's more tolerant now than he was. 10:52:23 PM Kali: Allys: Let me simply cut to the chase, then. I have tried every single thing I can think of to get him to stop drinking. 10:53:12 PM Wynn: Wynn nods. "That had crossed my mind as a possible course of action." 10:55:28 PM Kali: Allys: I still have magic on my side, but it has taken some time to become proficient enough to do anything of significance. 10:55:52 PM Wynn: Wynn looks interested. "Is there some spell that might help?" 10:56:23 PM Kali: Allys: There's a spell for everything, provided one is powerful enough and willing to do what is necessary. 10:57:27 PM Wynn: Well, I will defer to you as to what Tarak's penance should be, though sobriety certainly seems worthwhile. Perhaps framing it as such will allow him to embrace it. 10:58:05 PM Wynn: I'd imagine the reason you've had trouble thus far is because he didn't *want* to change. 10:58:19 PM Kali: Allys: He wants to forget. Everything. 10:58:48 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns. "In what little experience I have with the stuff, alcohol doesn't help that at all." 10:59:09 PM Kali: Allys: ... perhaps you're not aware, but all of this is my responsibility. If it hadn't been for me, he wouldn't be here at all. He would be at home, likely with a wife and children; grandchildren. And a dog. He likes dogs. I cannot imagine why. 10:59:54 PM Wynn: He told me he followed you to the temple. But he also told me he doesn't blame you for any of it. 11:00:29 PM Kali: Allys: He doesn't need to blame me; it's perfectly clear what happened. 11:00:46 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles slightly. "Now you sound like me." 11:01:06 PM Kali: Allys: The plan was that we would take care of each other. As you can see, I am perfectly intact; his duty is fulfilled beyond expectation. And he is... as you've seen. 11:01:46 PM | Edited 11:01:59 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns. "But if they are his own choices, how can you blame yourself for it?" 11:02:36 PM Wynn: Wynn sighs. "Blame is.... tricky. Seems there's more than enough to go around and most of us want to take it all for ourselves." 11:03:33 PM Kali: Allys: I'm the one whose prayer was answered. He just... got caught in the circumstances. 11:04:32 PM Kali: Allys: When we were children, we used to catch animals in the yard; I'd use a sling to hunt and kill pests -- snakes, mice. 11:05:44 PM Kali: Allys: We found a wounded rabbit once. No, too small to be a rabbit, really. A bunny. It trembled, I recall, but it didn't seem able to move much beyond that. Likely its back had been broken. 11:06:28 PM Wynn: Wynn is listening attentively. 11:07:59 PM Kali: Allys: We knew it was dying, both of us. I don't know how we knew, we were too little to know a thing like that, but we did. I was going to leave it alone, but Tarak wouldn't have it. Then I offered to kill it; put it out of its misery with my sling. He wouldn't have that either. 11:11:08 PM Kali: Allys: He picked it up. He brought it into the house, which would've cost us both a hiding if our parents had found out. He brought out an old baby blanket and wrapped the bunny's lower half inside, so it would warm up after being out in the chilly fall air. And he stroked the rabbit's neck until it died, calm, in his hands. 11:11:22 PM Kali: Allys: And then he got a shovel and buried it. 11:11:38 PM Kali: Allys: *That* is what I took from Tarak. *That* is what he is owed. 11:12:00 PM Wynn: ..... I'm sorry. 11:12:44 PM Kali: Allys nods. "Now you see." 11:13:05 PM Wynn: You know... he said something else to me earlier. 11:13:33 PM Wynn: I don't want to sound insensitive or anything, but he was still a child at the time. 11:13:50 PM Wynn: It is entirely possible that he could have become more calloused over time, even if he hadn't followed you. 11:14:29 PM Kali: Allys: You don't understand at all, then. He's still like that. 11:15:20 PM Kali: Allys: He's *still* the same person. He'd do the same thing now. He's *not* calloused. He feels everything. 11:16:06 PM Wynn: Then I know him even less than I thought. 11:16:23 PM Wynn: But I will do what I can to help you. 11:18:46 PM Wynn: Do you think it is the alcohol that is holding him back, or something else? 11:19:02 PM Kali: Allys: I don't know. He just doesn't want to feel anything anymore. 11:19:54 PM Wynn: I asked him why he didn't follow when you left the Saint's service. 11:20:24 PM Kali: Allys: I've never managed to get an answer about that. 11:20:38 PM Wynn: He said "Because I said I'd do it." 11:21:39 PM Kali: Allys stares at Wynn. 11:21:42 PM Wynn: He seems to share your opinion of the Saint, but will not go back on his oath. 11:22:26 PM Kali: She laughs a bitter little laugh. "Idealist to the last, then, clearly." 11:23:02 PM Wynn: I'm not sure how a gentle soul can coexist with that sort of service. 11:23:45 PM Kali: Allys: By tearing itself in two, apparently. 11:25:33 PM Wynn: Have you considered asking him to transition from Paladin to Priest, even if still in service to the Saint? 11:27:33 PM Kali: Allys: I cannot ask him to do that. I've done enough harm. 11:28:57 PM Wynn: How could it hurt? Priesthood is still important... and less martial. 11:29:07 PM Wynn: Obviously *you* know that. 11:29:53 PM Kali: Allys: Not much less. Not for the Bloody Saint. And ... I doubt he'll change his mind, if that's what he told you. 11:31:20 PM Wynn: Wynn shakes her head. "I'm at a loss." 11:32:01 PM Wynn: Obviously you know more about the situation and I don't know what has been attempted. I still stand by what I said, though. I'll help you any way I can. You just need to ask. 11:32:28 PM Kali: Allys: Asking for help is not one of my particular skills. 11:32:53 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles. "It never is. Not for any of us who heard the call." 11:33:26 PM Wynn: I still need to decide on a punishment, though. Do you have an idea? 11:34:17 PM Wynn: I know mine will have to be significant to feel worthy of my sins. I can only imagine he'll feel even more strongly about it. 11:34:25 PM Kali: Allys: ... I can't think of anything that would hurt him more than what he already has to do. 11:35:41 PM Wynn: ....at least his were done in service to his god. I have to admit I am still unsure why he feels the way he does. 11:36:57 PM Kali: Allys: I don't know. We were never much alike. 11:37:31 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles. "He admired you, you know. Probably still does." 11:38:31 PM Kali: Allys: As noted, we were never much alike; he is an idiot. 11:38:46 PM Wynn: Wynn laughs a little. 11:39:48 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns. 11:39:55 PM Wynn: There is one thing I'd like to ask about. 11:40:17 PM Kali: Allys: And what is that? 11:40:31 PM Wynn: I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but... your apprentice. 11:41:02 PM Kali: Allys's lips tighten again. "What of it?" 11:41:26 PM Wynn: What happened that hurt you so badly? 11:42:15 PM Kali: Allys: To him? Nothing. He was fine. I believe he delivers mail in some tiny village somewhere and has three children. 11:43:09 PM Wynn: Then why did Tarak's comment hurt so much? 11:43:34 PM Kali: Allys: Because he quit the same way I did. 11:44:08 PM Wynn: ....Tarak didn't tell me about it. 11:44:36 PM Kali: Allys: Well. He was wounded, then he left. That has nothing to do with it. 11:45:15 PM Wynn: Wynn chuckles a little under her breath. "Yes, you are definitely related." 11:45:30 PM Wynn: You've both given me the same non-answer. 11:45:43 PM Wynn: I feel like there is some secret password question I don't know. 11:46:02 PM Kali: Allys: We never left the war. We won. 11:46:21 PM Kali: Allys: But if Tarak *had* left, he would have left because he hated it. He drank himself into a stupor afterward because he hated it. 11:46:30 PM Kali: Allys: He hated everything about it. 11:46:40 PM Kali: Allys: I left because I *didn't.* 11:47:31 PM | Edited 11:47:44 PM Wynn: Wynn still looks confused. 11:49:07 PM Kali: She picks up the macelike practice weapon. "I *enjoyed* crushing skulls and mangling bodies, smashing bone into brain and organs into mush. Seeing the terror in my enemies' eyes, bearing down on them from horseback, screaming a rallying cry..." 11:51:20 PM Kali: Allys: Spreading death and destruction whereever I went in the name of the god. Yes, I enjoyed that a great deal. 11:51:31 PM Kali: She sets the mace down with a curl of her lip. 11:51:41 PM Wynn: Until? 11:52:55 PM Kali: Allys: There was no "until." When it was over I saw that I was a monster and decided to make some attempt to snatch at some bare remaining shred of humanity. 11:54:56 PM Wynn: ...so now you, a pacifist, and your brother, a man who hates killing, travel the planes killing people? 11:55:21 PM Kali: Allys: We protect people. He kills them when it's necessary, and I make sure he survives it. 11:56:57 PM Wynn: You know... I've never actually spoken much to another paladin. I was trained by a priest. 11:57:30 PM Wynn: There seems to be a bit of a disconnect between what I was taught and what you two have told me. 11:57:51 PM Kali: Allys: Possibly. Consider that we may not even come from the same world. 11:58:01 PM Wynn: Wynn nods. 11:58:29 PM Kali: Allys: And that Tarak hasn't been sober in over a decade. 11:59:40 PM Wynn: That's not really what I mean, though. Just that.. well, I was taught to kill with overwhelming force, but never about *who* really deserved it. AM Wynn: There were some questions raised earlier that I had no answers for... and more have sprung up with you. AM Wynn: I guess I just understand Tarak's comment about being a knife a little better today than when he said it. AM Kali: Allys: He wasn't always like this. AM Wynn: Well maybe between the three of us, we can find some middle ground for him to travel. AM Kali: Allys: I am still hoping to undo the damage I did somehow. But feel free to try. AM Wynn: You said the way he feels is his choice. If that's true, maybe this idea of his is his way of asking for help. Maybe you've finally gotten through to him. AM Kali: Allys: Perhaps. AM Wynn: If he thinks he needs to suffer to overcome his demons, it's worth a try. AM Kali: Allys: I just want the boy with the bunny back. That's all. The way he was before I offered him up to be destroyed. AM Wynn: Wynn sighs. "I know I'd love nothing more than to have my sister back as well, and though yours is more likely to happen, you have to realize it's not likely to get him back as he was." AM Kali: Allys: Well. We shall have to see. AM Kali: She picks up her book. AM Wynn: Wynn nods. AM Wynn: Thank you for speaking with me. AM Kali: Allys: I could hardly refuse, given the circumstances. And now I have work to do. Good afternoon. AM Kali: She sweeps out regally. AM Wynn: Wynn leaves.